(Jessica)- Don't sit on any cold benches.

I think that title has a little something to do with the subjects in your post, to be honest. Bless you.

Well I heard from a little bird called snafu that you are poorly? Imagine my distress! I'm here, you're there and there isn't anything I can do to make you feel any better. It's like watching a kitten sneeze in a perspex box...all you can do is feel sad. *sigh*

How did your weekend go? You not being able to talk on the phone because of your illness is horrid, I don't know anything about your weekend and it's nearly Wednesday, WEDNESDAY! (Said in, "You give me headaches, HEADACHES!" voice.)

Here, here to that tradition. I love talking about Rigsby and Cho. I could talk about them until the cows come home. (Where have the cows been?) YES!! His arms are to die for, it's one of the most awesome sights, those seems. I want a man who has seems in his shirt like Cho (no matter who Dad wants me to marry). It's not mindbomb, it's a mindbomb explosion. Tick-tick-tickBOOM

I know not of any jobs for you to get any money. But, you can have my second job over Christmas, it's not much...but it's work. I'm getting a 3rd job after Christmas...yes, you heard. I'm working at the premier shop hopefully. Heaven knows when I'm getting time to live...but I'll fit it in. Money is slipping away. But I already know what I'm getting everyone for Christmas, so we can half everything, it doesn't come to too much, and I'll pay most of it. I want to do you something special for Christmas as it's our last one as twins. But I don't know what...Clues please.

Oh my, I don't think I have ever laughed so hard in my life reading that little tale about the Minas Tirith guy. I think I met him once, brilliant sense of humour...little dark sometimes, but funny. What's a little blood-thirsty humour between friends? Who doesn't like a decent "spiked head" joke? Seriously folks. Lighten up. It's not like he's gropey McGee for goodness sakes.

So, I had my unmentionable "appointment" at the Hospital on Monday. I was THIS close to taking my hospital gown and strangling my doctor.
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Doctor: "Does this hurt?"

Me (in my head): "Oh you mean the thing that I'm here about because it hurts, that thing you're whacking around now? Does that hurt?! Let me ask you a question, if I may? Say, I pulled your brain through your nose, Egyptian style, whilst you were still conscious..would that give you a twinge of discomfort?! Hmmmm?!"

Me (out loud): "Yes."

Doctor: "Hmmm..."

Me (in my head): "Care to share that deep, and I'm sure, very intelligent thought you seem to be turning around in your head as you're still poking me? No? How 'bout that brain treatment I suggested earlier, would that tease it out of you?"

Me (out loud): *silence*(frosty style)

Doctor: "Have a pain diary, colour in the squares for each day when the pain is really bad, and half colour it in when it's still sore but not as badly and put a dot when there isn't any pain at all."

Me (in my head): "Squares? Really? I think I have progressed from squares. Don't you have something a little more festive? Like a Santa? I'll colour his suit, his hat and his boots every time I think about saying what's actually running through my head. Or maybe a Christmas tree. I promise I won't go over the lines!"

Me (out loud): "Sure."
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I could have done with you in there. I probably would have laughed at the situation a little more. In reflection, I was cross and in pain...it's been better. Must be the catharsis I get from colouring.

Anyway, about your future. Go where the wind takes you Snafs. I believe in your every move. I'll also be the first person to tell you that you've screwed up, so my word is the one you can trust.

I have to go now, but I hope this finds you in better spirits.

I love you muchly Shamu, you are the most wonderful being on the planet.

Love,
Doible.

xxxx

(Rachel) 'Kids are cool but getting there seems like a big, cosmic joke.'

Humphers,
(The title has nothing whatsoever to do with the matters discussed in this post...it's just a GG quote. =)

My, you replied fast! I am afraid that I cannot promise to reply as fast as you did all the time but I am aiming for a 36 hour turn around time. We'll see how it goes. Well....kinda failed already since it's been 4 days since you wrote but, I am determined for next time! (The following is what I started to write on Sunday) "Well, as we approach a new and exciting week, I am given to ponderings. These ponderings have often occurred on Sunday afternoons as I consider the exciting moments that await me in the coming week...the answer? Too much of the same thing..." (and now, I continue) READING. Mind you, along with reading, I had FHE on Monday night, Youth on Tuesday night, a choir practise tonight, my "appointment" tomorrow afternoon and institute in the evening, a great seminar on Friday, in which I am a WW1 solider (complete with a uniform with real military patches which I procured and will stitch on myself) and then IEUAN! =)

Jebs, I am SO sorry that I haven’t been able to write sooner. I have driven myself mad with my own silence so heaven knows how you must be feeling. Every day things happen that I think “I must write to Jess about that” and then, before you know it, it’s 11:30 and I am wrapped in my duvet enjoying a few minutes of being stationary....not something that has happened much this week so far. It has been good though- I’ve got a lot done. Week 7 of a 10 week term is usually melt-down point. Essays are due in a maximum of 3 weeks, and I have 2, plus dissertation deadlines to meet, plus copious reading for seminars. It’s not an easy bag of goodies to juggle but juggle I do! =) I am actually loving it all, really. I can’t tell you how interesting I find it all. Jess, if I could be a student forever and just spend my time learning, researching and writing then I would. I devised an essay question with my tutor today, based on my current research interests. The question we came up with is “What do romantic relationships tell us about changing gender identities in Total War.” DREAM! BOOM! It’s just like saying...talk to me about marriage and engagements in war time. Or tell me how women entering the military affected their relationships with their husbands. ALL the things I love- the role of women, romance and war! WHOOP! (NB. I do not love war itself....for those who think me a war-mongerer, rather, I find the social and technological changes wrought in a war-time climate interesting.) SO, in other words, life is pretty dandy.

As you may or may not be aware, I have the boy visiting this weekend. He is set to leave the moment Rob gets home from work on Friday and will drive straight up to me where, 4.5 hours later I will have dinner and freshly made biscuits waiting for him. Nigella Lawson? I think so! =) I am very excited to see him. I feel grateful that 2 years apart has meant that the regular 3 weeks apart are manageable but I do miss him terribly.

So, Snafs, what’s new with you? Your oyster card should arrive today...I really hope it does! I bet you are excited for your Liverpool expedition. You will love it. I have well and truly fallen for Liverpool. It’s just the most fantastic city! You will take some incredible pictures there. Riggers will have a field day!

On the subject of Rigsby and the Cho meister, I think we should make a tradition of mentioning them in some way in each blog post. Let’s face it...they are more than worthy of mentioning! The thing I would like to raise with you is the issue of their clothing. NOTHING makes me love them more than that. I love how, when they’re prepped for a bust-up/firefight, they wear nothing less than their suit trousers, their shirts (which, in Cho’s case particularly, are on the point of bursting at the seams!), ties and bullet proof vests. If that is not a mind-bomb, what is?

So, in this episode of "The life and thought processes of Rachel" I would like to mention money to you. Money. The precious invisible friend. My goodness, I understand why tithing is of such great import! I am currently using my overdraft sparingly until my HSBC account gets the monthly boost next week. I have to pay out for a TV license because...well...we have a TV and it's illegal to not have a TV license. £48 it's costing!! For £5 more, I could get a return to Ely!!!! For £10 more, I could come home! But no! I have to be law abiding. What is that about? Yes, money is currently the biggest bane of my life in so many ways. It's like holding sand in your hands during a tornado. When it's all over, you look down at your hands, hopeful that you managed to grasp tight enough...you look down and BOOM. Nada. It's all good though. I am very happy, I'm not dying, I am eating healthily and I am not spending frivolously so there is little else I can do. If you do happen to get whispers of anything I could do over Christmas, let me know.

I think you should do palm reading for us both. =) I did hear about you setting up your booth on the A11. I think that's a prime location. Just think! You'd get commuters, holiday makers and people doing the regular A to B run each day. You'll be a regular Patrick Jane yet! The placement next to the hot dog stand is useful too because then when truckers feed their abundant mid-sections and their greasy reputation there, you can nab them for a palm reading! (No offence to any truckers out there who break the stereotype. You are respected.)


I would like to turn my attention to the lighting of the beacons in The Lord of the Rings. I was actually chatting one of those beacon lighter dudes the other day. He was telling me how he would wake up every morning to go to work and just pray there would be some kind of massive conflict that would need him to light the beacon. He told me that, rumour has it, the dude who mans the beacon at Minas Tirith used electrical devices to create fake light and you'd get pandamonium breaking out all over the mountains as these freak beacons would go off for no reason. Before you know it, troops are rallied, horns are sounding and there's a little bearded man wetting himself with laughter on the Minas Tirith beacon. It's a dull life. But seriously folks, I just think it's so cool how the people were standing by to help. It's the same 'cool' factor when I was receiving the automatic news updates about the earthquake in Japan and you'd watch various nations responses coming in. "Germany is standing by to give aid." "USA is standing by to give aid." "Switzerland is standing by to give aid." Etc. It's awesome. You know, like when cars make way for ambulances. It's just cool. There's no other word for it. Lighting beacons is COOL! Way cool.


Well, Delaney. It's about time for me to do some essay-ing stuff before heading home to scramble some food. I have been seriously considering my future career. I would be lying if I said the 2 things currently on my mind were not the RAF and a Masters....I may need to re-think! What do you think, fruity? What do you think I should do?


I cannot wait for your reply!! I get so excited. Love you loads!


Shams. X

(Jessica) - So you call that a reply?!... Well then... okay.

Rachel,
You have outdone yourself. How can one person have so many thoughts running through their head all at once? I, as always, admire your waffling stamina. We go from one extreme to another. No blog posts for months and then 3 all the one night...

I do indeed remember our pop group, I tried not to. For years I have been burying that memory back inside the recesses of my brain, covering it with the emotional baggage and now (thank you so much for this by that way, I am truly grateful) all I can think of is your frizzy head singing into that plastic yellow microphone and forcing me to hum, sway and look remotely pleased that I was sharing the moment with you.

I'm not going to bury it! Didn't you listen when I planned my booth on the A11?

When I move in with you, our children will be grown up...I would love for our boys to play rugby together every single day, but I'm not sure that I could cope with the laundry. Just thinking out loud.

I will be glad to hear from you when you are married, it will bring me such joy! I am convinced that I will be living at home for at least another 10 years so I will rely on you to bring me news from the outside world.

I can always tell when you have watched P&P because you say things like, "Yet, regardless of my renewed determinations to be more patient, it just never happens. It vexes me greatly!”... Instead of, "No matter how hard I try, I still lose it with morons who haven't yet developed the ability to walk at a consistent pace. As it turns out, common sense is less common than its title suggests. It really gets on my grill, peace out Humphers.” I understand how horrid that can be though, on days when I make it into college, it is like that on the road all the way there...I often think about bringing Robin along, and having him plough through the crowds (tractor, shotgun or muscle, I'm not picky of his methods). How about that?

I do enjoy reading your gorgeously worded epithets nonetheless. I am in a state of undying love for Fredrick Wentworth; he has to be my favourite. He is so wonderful and stays loyal to his love. I think that the reason I set my sights so high is between Disney and Jane Austen (and of course the wonderful examples of men in my life, such as Daddy, Uncle Seth, other family members, your fine fellow...not to mention our friends). I see John Smith and Captain Wentworth and my soul shrinks a little bit at the thought that they are fictitious characters. Oh the shame.

I would so love to take a turn about the room. Let us engage in that activity now shall we?

Isn't he though? I do think Cho is the handsomest man I have ever beheld, his character is so brilliant, as is Darcy's.

I would love to know how you stumbled into yahoo's love and relationships forum. Oh my word, that is possibly the best thing I have heard all day. That is wonderfully said. Here, here.

Hahaha, "pick your face up" is a classic Daddy comment. We were watching Lord of the Rings, Return of the King, tonight and when it came to the lightning of the beacons we both had a lengthily discussion about how that moment could possibly be your favourite moment out of the whole trilogy?! Those poor men who live on the very peaks of mountains and various other remote locations, waiting years for war to break out so they can have the joy of' lighting a dry cube of stacked wood. I want to hear the beacon lighter’s story, let’s hear what they have to say!

Oh no, you've got that appointment. Rather you than me friend. However, if you would like to take my hospital appointment on Monday I would be very grateful. I'm sure I'll be able to tell all about it by the end of the day and have a witty side of the story, even if it does muster heavy imagination.

I would just like to address, that I am not the fruit of your loins. I love the nickname fruity and even loin fruit...but I would just like to point out to perhaps some very confused readers, that we are sisters and she is not my Mother. Truth be told...out of the two of us I probably mother her.

Okay then Shamu,

Love you, sleep tight.

Jessica x

(Rachel)- In reply to your missive...

Jess,
You are right, of course. We are pitiful. We often have so many great ideas... do you remember our pop group, Gemini?? It would have taken off, Jess. It would have. It could have made us millions. Having said that, I had not, at that tender age, mastered the ability to coerce you into singing with me so it had "failure" written all over it. Still...I am optimistic that if your palm reading doesn't take off in quite the way your own palms would suggest, we could be superstars yet!!

On the subject of hands, palms and life lines, I'm thrilled for you. What a wonderful talent you have discovered! Don't you bury it, will you!! I am also delighted about your 3 love lines. What excitement! It gives me such flutterings (in the words of Mrs Bennett)! It is tremendous that you are optimistic about our future. Indeed, we can sit with hot chocolates watching GG (Gilmore Girls) whilst our kids play airplanes and our husbands talk missions. What a wonderful idea! =) I look forward to it.

On the subject of husbands, when I am legally wedded to mine, you will not lose me, Fruity. I will be around just as ever. I will communicate with you every single day, we can skype each sunday and we have this blog. Our in-jokes are eternal...they will continue. Imagine the following...I will Facebook you with a simple phrase like... "He ill..." and, let the good times roll!

I suppose you'd rather like to know what's been going on with me. Since we spoke a long time ago, this morning, you can't have a very good idea of what is going on with me. I wish I had something exciting to report but, alas, the most exciting thing that has happened to me recently was our phone conversation yesterday evening which, I believe, you were present for! In which case, I will cut the rambling and refrain from filling you in on that front.

I recently watched P & P...the BBC version. It never ceases to raise a smile. Oh Jess! Do you suppose that Jane Austen realises that, with her creation of beautiful men like Fitzwilliam Darcy, Frederick Wentworth and George Knightly, she has made generations of females search high and low for their contemporary equivalents? I mean, how many women do you know who remain entirely unmoved by the Austenian hero? She has written and created the IDEAL! THE MAN! Who is your favourite? I must confess, though I love them all a ridiculous amount, George Knightly is the one, I think. I have found my George Knightly. In fact, Ieuan is a million times better than Knightly...wouldn't you agree? The Georgian era suits him very well, I think. If you were with me now, I would ask you to take a turn with me about the room for a little light exercise. It would be a welcome change from me begging you to crunch with me and I would be MUCH better company than Caroline Bingley!!!

On the subject of pretty men, I would like to address the issue of Cho and Rigsby with you. It strikes me that Kimball Cho is the modern, American version of Darcy! What do you say to that?
I saw something today that made me chuckle and think of you. It was on a love and relationships Internet forum which was part of one of the yahoo news stories. It's a column where the problems are answered by a man and a woman- both offering their opinions and advice. The question I saw was "Is it possible to fall in love with someone you don't find physically attractive?"

Part of the answer was "It's clearly possible to fall in love with the plain-looking, that's why ugliness persists in society. There just aren't enough of the fit ones to go round." HA! How amusing.

Before I end this epistle, may I just say how appalled I am with the average walking speed on campus? Thank you. Well, I am utterly APPALLED! I have had several times this week where I wish I had a horn attached to my person to enable me to *honk* the perpetrators into the next millennium. Why do I find it so vexing? I cannot answer that question but Oh how I have tried! Yet, regardless of my renewed determinations to be more patient, it just never happens. It vexes me greatly! My poor nerves! Such TREMBLINGS! People CUT in front of you and then have the AUDACITY to walk slower than you. WHY???? Why not just stand still. Stand still with a huge, neon sign saying "I will not be moved" for that would do as much good! It might even be more helpful because then people could plan their walked route around said bystanders- thus avoiding stress, anger and time spent shuffling behind the slowies. Mind you, one good thing comes from this...it gives one a regular opportunity to break into song... "EVERYDAY I'M SHUFFLIN'..."

Anyway, dear sister, I am finished now! Take care, loin fruit. Enjoy your evening, the fish choosing ceremony..or, if your Cait (during the stick choosing ceremony of July 2011), a Choosemony. I think the names you have selected are perfect! Indeed, the name 'seaborn' prompts images of freedom, liberation and large bodies of water. Exactly what a captivated fish would want to dream about. (I refer you to the fish tank in an Australian dentists in Finding Nemo).

Have fun with Daddy. I miss him a lot. I told him this the other day and what did he say in response? "Pick your face up." I endeavour to not leave it dragging along the ground in future. I have a doctors appointment next week- It's nothing major...that's what you get folks, for... That's right. You got it.

Anyway, I really am going now. I love you so much, Jebs. Thanks for being amazing.

Reply, or better, be with me.
Yours-

Rachiron.

(Jessica)-This will be the first of many, I assume.

 This is nothing short of pitiful. We started this blog in the summer and it is nearly Christmas and neither of us has ventured forth to be the first. Pitiful. I am Jessica, I am seventeen (nearly eighteen), and I am the younger of the two of us. You may not remember me since our last correspondence was this morning, a twelve minute phone call. Since when did we resort to such rubbish lengths of conversations?! We need to try harder. You, my dear girl, are getting married in the spring and then I will have lost you for good to Mr Guy. Join me in making the most of your freedom. I thank you.

ANYWAY... I have actually decided that I would like to learn to read palms. I could have a little booth on the A11 (preferably next to the hot dog stand, I notice that he has very good business during the week) filled with pink and orange cushions and the pungent smell of incense. I came to this decision as I was waiting for our brother Sam to finish school yesterday, his class was late coming out and my earphones weren't working and I had nothing to read. So I decided to read my palm. It was so much better than the option of making conversation with the other Mums about the daily struggles of discipline and lack of help from the husband (and seeing as I neither have children nor a husband...) I digress... I read my palm and it told me that I would have 3 significant relationships in my life, one short one, a medium one and a very long one (I guess that's my eternal marriage) I will have six children and I will be quite well off. I will live my dreams of travelling and visiting all the countries I want to love. When I am old my photographs will sell for thousands and people will start naming their cameras "Jebs" in my honour. We will have a huge house together and we'll be able to fail all of our knitting patterns together whilst out husbands share mission stories, and we will live forever (like on fame). Who even knew that I had such a talent for this? Or, in fact, that my hand is so wrinkly.

I am determined, as you know, to buy a fish and I think that (if the price is right) I will buy three. Their names will be known as "Lyman", "Ziegler" and "Seaborn", the latter being very good for a fish me thinks. But who knows if I will get them... Mum is away this weekend so i might treat Dad to a Chinese or a Fish and Chips because I'm nice like that.

As I come to an end of speaking...I will ask how wedding plans are going. How are wedding plans going?

I love you very, very much and I would like to say that you are the better half of my brain.

Make haste with your reply.

Jessica