"Okay, so our house is burning down and you can save me or the cake. Which do you choose?"
This, dearest Safs, is what I want to address with you today. Which do you save? I learnt an important life lesson yesterday whilst buying cake with Ieu. A lesson I especially needed.
One of the things that I love the most about my Husband is the way he talks. I love how he exaggerates and expresses himself. I find him hilarious and interesting and it's great! However. I do sometimes misinterpret what he means when he says certain things. You see, ever since our wedding, he has been hankering (nb. NOT hunkering) after cake because he didn't feel that the delicious bite he had at the cake table was sufficient. Of course, for me, The delicious bite I had at the table was enough- I loved the cake and would happily have had more but I didn't REALLY want it badly. He did- or seemed to. At various intervals, on and off for the last 2 weeks, he has expressed a desire for cake in the following words; "Mmmmm....cake", "MMmmmmm....I want cake" or just " CAKE!". Now, you, like me, may have assumed that he REALLY wanted cake. SO, when we wrote the weekly shopping list, I suggested we put cake on the list. Next scene: Morrisons in the cake and sweet treats aisle. Ieuan and I were eying up the cakes. I was in a rare "GIVE ME SUGAR" mood and rather fancied a nice bit of sponge. We were looking at a coconut cream sponge and a victoria sponge. I could see that the decision was going to be difficult so, because he was the one who had wanted cake for such a long time, I left him to choose the cake he wanted while I went to get bread. After I had collected a few more items, Ieuan returned with two trays of millionaire shortcake and a pack of mini rolls. NO cake. I asked where the cake was. He said he wasn't getting any. Now Millionaire shortcake is my all time fave. I also expressed a desire for the minirolls so, assuming he'd done a Ieuan and chosen the things that I would have liked best, I did a me and asked him to take one of the trays back and get some cake for himself. Quietly he did so and came back with the coconut cream sponge. "Now, are you SURE that you absolutely want that cake? There isn't another you would prefer?" He looked at me exasperated and said "Can you please trust that I am happy with my choice?". With that, we did the rest of the shop.
Later that day I raised the issue of cake with him. As it happens, he didn't need cake, he just fancied some and the mini rolls would have done. My constant cake pushing for cake made him think I wanted cake, so he chose the cakey things I would like. In my head, I was thinking that I would never care enough about cake to dominate the decision making process- I would be happier if he chose one he wanted. In his head, he was thinking that I had been telling him to buy cake for ages so I must really want it and he wants to share this cake with me and so he will get one that we both like. See? Men, women and cake.
A tricky combo.
After our chat and after the light dawned on me, we made an oath. My oath went something like this "I hereby pledge that I will never again assume that Ieuan is desperate for cake and I will trust that he is happy with his decisions. I also pledge to be more decisive." His was, "I hereby pledge that I will never again make a decision based on what I think Rachel wants without checking whether she would be happier if I made the decision based on my preferences or not". In the end, pledges aside, we agreed to always put the other first and, next time the subject of cake comes up, to communicate more clearly. Now we have a box of 15 mini rolls, 1 tray of millionaire's shortbread and a coconut cream sponge to get through. So glad the exercise regime kicks off tomorrow!!
Learn to understand each other before you buy cake. It will save time, and possibly money. =)
AAO
