This is what I thought when I was exercising this morning.
Now, I am not going to make this post about all the weight that I don’t have
because…we all hate THAT guy. But, what I will say, is that I am not the most
toned person in the world…no one will be bouncing quarters off of my stomach.
As such, I do notice, especially when doing Zumba with Isaac (he’s a real pro,
that boy), when my shaking movements of my body are disproportionately vigorous
to the efforts I’m putting in, if you know what I mean. Like…you do a little
shimmy and your tummy or thighs are still shimmying 10 minutes later, of their own accord.
You know?
As I was doing said Zumba, I allowed my mind to wander back
to all the dancing we used to do together. I’m no Darcey Bussell but, you know,
we could move, right? I’m not imagining that. Well, all of that ability has
left me. I was showing my Young Women the music video Jess Carr and I made at
university. We looked pretty good. Yet, somehow, having a baby has made me
incapable of dancing. In fact, I’m pretty sure that the hokey cokey is all I
CAN do.
At this point, I was going to bring in my awesome analogy
but perhaps I will wait for another day.
On the subject of exercise, the other week, I went to the
church’s annual football and netball competition. Now, I am no netballer. I
have recently become friends on facebook with one of my high school PE
Teachers, which is great but…when I was playing netball, I couldn’t help but
see her in my mind’s eye teaching us how to pivot...brought back A LOT of memories about how awful I was! Anyway. I wish I had a photo
to show you of the clothes I wore to this thing. I wore a dusky pink t shirt
and my super baggy, navy, mens Washington DC tracksuit bottoms. I actually left
the house feeling pretty sporty. I am only 24 years old, but since I was last
at a sport event, sport fashion has changed a lot. Upon my arrival, I realised
that I had clearly missed the memo about cropped lycra capri things. It seemed
like every peer of mine was wearing these things. And all of them looked
convincingly athletic and gorgeous. You can imagine how I felt in men’s
tracksuit bottoms, can’t you.
When we came home, I said to Ieuan “Did I look hideous in my
clothes today?” He said “You could never look hideous. Your tracksuit bottoms were a bit frumpy
though.” (poor things) I love my husband because he does not flatter me by telling my
falsehoods. He flatters me by understanding my point of view. He knew exactly what I meant! So. Armed with
this knowledge, I am determined to get me some of these, So that, next time
someone flings me out of my comfort zone and into the shooting zone of the
netball court, I can at least look cute.
Another word or two on netball. I was Goal Shooter, because,
usually, I am a pretty good shot. My hand-eye coordination is pretty good, you
know? Anyway. I was TERRIBLE. At one point, the umpire (who, incidentally, was
also sporting these lycra capris) told me to take my time shooting. I thought I
had suddenly misunderstood the rules. “Don’t you have 3 seconds to shoot once
you have the ball” I asked a team mate. “Yup”, came the reply. TAKE YOUR TIME??
Was she JOKING??
In short. Netball isn’t really my scene. I can do a bit of
tennis for fun. I can shoot some hoops for fun. You know, I’m actually pretty
good at kicking a rugby ball too. Leigh Halfpenny might even be a teeny bit
impressed. At school, the thing I was
best at was softball or rounders. I could hit it and I could catch. But, I have
decided that if it’s for anything more serious than fun, move along, cos I
ain’t your girl.
I’ve written the following song about my recent sporting
endeavours and how I feel about the impeachment of tracksuit bottoms.
“Because you know, It’s all about capris, bout capris,
No Trackies. It’s all about capris, bout capris, no trackies.
It’s all about capris, bout capris, no trackies, it’s all about capris.
Yeah, it’s pretty clear, Mine aren’t the same as you
But I can pivot pivot, like I’m supposed to do.
I’ve got that netball that all the girls chase, and all wrong clothes
in all the wrong places.
You see these pretty girls, working that capris look? We all know that
ain’t real, come on now make it stop. If you want sporty sporty, let’s raise it
up cos every inch of you is perfect from your trackies to your top.
Yeah, the Umpire, she told me when shooting to “take your time”.
(If three seconds is ages then life is a pantomime)
You know I won’t be no lycra-clad Olympic athlete
But I’d like for my trackies to not be so obsolete.
Because you know, It’s all about capris, bout capris,
No Trackies. It’s all about capris, bout capris, no trackies.
It’s all about capris, bout capris, no trackies, it’s all about capris.
I’m bringing trackies BACK!
Go ahead and tell those skinny capris that…
Although I’m playing, I am NOT all that,
And I’m here to tell you every skill of yours is perfect from your
pivot to your shot.
Yeah, the Umpire, she told me when shooting to “take your time”.
(If three seconds is ages then life is a pantomime)
You know I won’t be no lycra-clad Olympic athlete
But I’d like for my trackies to not be so obsolete.
Because you know, It’s all about capris, bout capris,
No Trackies. It’s all about capris, bout capris, no trackies.
It’s all about capris, bout capris, no trackies, it’s all about capris.”
