(Jessica)- "How about 'The We'? Yeah. We are 'The We' "

Rory: She needs a resume and samples of your previous work and, uh, referrals. 

Lorelai: And my bare butt to kiss? 

Rory: If you think that will set you apart from the other applicants, yes. 

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Oh yes, it has been a few weeks of me thinking, "And my bare butt to kiss". Don't get me wrong...I have had a wonderful few weeks but it has been the odd awkward moments, upon which this blog thrives, which have multiplied and replenished very much recently. This blog has done wonders for my positive attitude- whenever something truly embarrassment and horriffico happens I simply think to myself (*in a Louis Armstrong voice*), "What a wonderful blog!".


Do you ever have those moments when you're in a girl's bathroom and you happen to hear a conversation like this, "You have no idea, my skin has been the worst skin since 2012!"...As you know I am now working in a University so I often come across conversations like these on my trips away from a computer screen. I did feel so sorry for the student who has had the worst skin as of 2012....I really did. Until I walked a midst the toxic cloud of hair-spray, Charlie Red and shine powder, only to discover that she was blessed with some of the finest skin I have seen. (Odd thing isn't it...to compliment someone's skin? Perhaps I should say complexion as sounds less...awkward.) I felt like saying, "Well some of us have been bless with crackin' (literally) skin since 2000...so do be quiet!". 
Soon after this moment the tribe of girls left...and I broke the tap at one of the sinks...pulled it clean out of the wall actually...I managed to balance the fixings around the sink and made it just about look like a normal tap, or modern art...depends on your perspective I suppose. My eyes and eyebrows twinned as one and rose to the heavens, I shrugged and thought something to do with Lorelai's aforesaid phrase. 
**And my bare butt to kiss**
I would just like to inform you that I am at work, lunch break- don't freak out. Do you know what the height of chatter is? The basic office conversation? I'll tell you... "So, what have you got for lunch?". Or really any lunch conversation really. It seems to be the office staple diet for polite conversation.I shall refer you to one particularly awkward conversation that we had in the office, not two days ago. I was minding my own business and just working quietly and I heard the tail-end of Simon's (guy who sits opposite me) conversation to Helen (lady next to me)...
Simon-"...If Jess saw me doing that she'd slap me..." 
*Looking to Helen slightly confused*-You have to understand, I am not vocal at all in the work place, so someone throwing slapping accusations around took me by surprise. Anywhere else than the office would be situation normal I suppose...

Simon goes on-"Helen doesn't slap me anymore but that's only because she knows I enjoy it."

*Silence and nausea dawn over the people with hearing*

Helen: "So, what have you got for lunch today Jess?"

You see? It's the perfect 'out' of a weird silence. Even if you have a dinner appointment you are hailed as quite the celebrity...I'm not sure that I have ever caught the strange lunch obsession that everyone has...but I certainly appreciate it.

It made me laugh when I read the last paragraph of your blog about being stabbed in a bus lane. Strangely my odds of being stabbed in a bus lane have drastically increased. I have more chance of being stabbed in a bus lane or on a bus than anywhere else on the planet.
I have recently had some trauma in that department. Which makes me miss Robs quite a bit because he would always tease me about my/our bus adventures...and then offer his limbs in our defense. Anyway, I digress... I was offered some socks...men's Gant socks... as a Christmas present by a person I see on the odd occasion on the number 13. Apparently the acceptance of these socks means, "June Wedding" or the equivalent in modern man speak, and the next time I randomly bumped into him, he decided to take an army and march on Poland. (Poland being my face and an army here being his mouth like feature...less like a mouth in this instance and more like...a chasm of death, a death chasm...in which my face was going to be lost forever). This is exactly what I thought as his face made his way passed my 84cm invisible border...
I did exclaim a noise that was something like- but not necessarily..."Ugghhhhh--Ewwwwww". Upon which he promptly stormed off and I had several abusive texts all inclusive with a wide variety of French.

I did see him on the bus a few days later...he saw me and got off in Norwich 20 minutes before his stop....in Spixworth... Was it something I said?
In the wise words of our Great Aunt Laura, "Jessica, you really need to learn how to drive mate."

As you can see...there is a theme to my narration here...all of these circumstances have that special phrase in common.

Anyway, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas! Are you excited? I sure am. I watched Muppets...and I will watch, "While you were sleeping" later on in the week. It won't be the same without you but the slippery ice scene never fails to greet me with hysteria. Maybe we can watch it when you're here? You HAVE to watch it with mutual Leonard (Ieuan...for those other than Rachel...mutual Leonard is Ieuan). I think he will appreciate the humor. 

Lucy: Oh! I don't want any flowers from you, I am not wearing black underwear, and I definitely do not want to move in with you, Joe - 

[it's Jack, not Joe Jr] 

Lucy: Jack. 

Jack: Well, I don't have any flowers, I wouldn't mind seeing the black underwear, but under the circumstances, I don't think we should move in together. 

Lucy: I thought you were Joe Jr. 

Jack: [sarcastically] I get that a lot. 

So excited for that magic!

Anyway, I'm two minutes into work time now and have to dash. 

I love you Snafroe! (See what I did? It's the ultimate combo!)

Reply or better....

Lots of love,

Fruity. 

xxx