Humphers,
I miss you terribly...who invented Bath to be so far away?! Rubbish people.
I was mashing potatoes today, and I thought to myself, " I wonder how I would describe the art of mashing if I were on a cooking show.." (Obviously my thoughts springed to you as no one else plays cooking shows in the kitchen with me...) So I came up with some thoughts, catch-phrases if you will, that you can repeat to yourself in your kitchen when mashing the potatoes.
"Making mashed potatoes is purely instinctual. Many chefs cook via taste, but when it comes to potatoes, it's all about the texture...." (I may be able to sell that one to Nigella, I was rather chuffed with it).
"If your potatoes are starting to look like the wrong side of Velcro...(extends hand reassuringly)...don't worry... milk is your friend.." (Again, this one prompted a small smile of pride)
Then my cooking experience went a little down hill as I shook the "masher" (does it have a real name?) into the bowl and potato flicked all over me, all down the cupboards and up onto the walls...
I exclaimed, "Oh no, I shook the potato..." Which to my dismay... made me laugh harder that I expected...(note: I was alone in the kitchen at this point laughing to myself...yes, out-loud)..and in short my television career as potato masher is nought. They'll never let me on the air again. But maybe I can make it as a youtube sensation....I digress...
You know the song by Frank Sinatra, called "The Girl From Ipanema"? It goes like this...
"Tall and tan and young and lovely, the girl from Ipanema goes walking
And when she passes, each one she passes goes - ah"
It was only today that I found out those were the lyrics! I thought they were actually,
"Tall and tan and young and lovely, the girl from Ipanema goes squawking
And when she passes, each one she passes goes - *sigh*" (as in a sigh of exasperation for the girl who goes around squawking....)
Who knew?! Although Frank's version makes more sense I have to say I prefer mine...I can more relate to the girl who goes around squawking than the girl who makes people wistful by walking.
Something terrible happened...I was honked.... *high pitched whisper*..by bald men...*higher still*...in a transit. Now, don't get me wrong, I like an ego boost as much as the next man...but...as I turned to look I saw 3 men (old enough to be older than my Father) leering in white vest tops at me. I'd like to make an announcement to these men (referring back to the title of this blog) I have no tatoos.
And I was wondering something as this happened...does the honk technique actually work? I wonder if there have been weddings and in the speeches the groom says (excuse me while I take some artistic liberties with my characters...),
"I met Sandy one hot summer day in two fousand and free. I was leaning outta my transit eating a bacon sarnie and ketchup sauce was drippin' all down my face...searching for a napkin in the glove, I looked up and saw her there...crossing my freshly laid tarmac and fought to myself, 'Georgie boi, you gotta woo this woman 'ere'..so I did what any man would've done and I laid on my horn...*BEEEEEEEP*"
-Sandy chimes in...."I've never been the same since, have I?...What woman doesn't love that? Am I right girls, d'ya get me?!"
(I've come to love George and Sandy in my head...watch this space...my lovable Norfolk folk may feature in more stories...bless. Happy anniversary George and Sandy.)
But seriously now...has it ever happened? I'm honestly curious, so do let me know.
Oh friend...I have a confession...When I was in America a party was thrown...and I attended ("Quick Bob get the kids into a minivan because the world's coming to an end!"-Yes. Thank you.). That is not the point I'm making Rachel, pipe down. I ate devilled-eggs. I KNOW! Devilled-eggs are good for throwing at cars and threatening people with...but have you stopped to try a delicious morsel? I tell you what...choirs sung, eyes were teary and horizons were broadened. Not bad, not bad at all. We shall bake them and eat them when I come down (somewhere after we draw on our feet and play Harry Potter-Can Ieuan be Dumbledore and if so can we stick cotton-wool to his toes?...No?...Just thinking out-loud).
As for your cake conundrum..."Lorelai: I'm gonna have pancakes with a side of pancakes". Let the people grow darn it!! I am glad that you have made an oath to one another about this...I hope that I too can one day have a husband who is sensitive to my cake needs as well as his own...people without cakes is like...*shudder*...It's a dark, dark place Rachel...there's no coming back from it.
Anyway friend (I went into Caitlin to kiss her goodnight tonight and she pulled her covers down just below her eyes, but enough that I could see her cheeks billowing into a smile, and said in the most delighted voice, "Oh hi friend!". We have one little sister there who is a lot like us...) I have to love you and leave you, as I sweep off the internet for bed...big plans tomorrow...I have to get money out of an ATM for my bus fare. Enviable isn't it?
Love you lots Shams...Love Snaffs (saying snaffs makes me want to wrinkle my nose in an adorable fashion...I haven't done adorable for a long time though...at least it's something I can work at on my way to the ATM)
xxx
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